Last updated 04/14/06

Glossary

At the request of non-native Louisianans, persons from America and other foreign countries as well as graduates of the LA Public Schools, I have added this glossary in order that my commentaries can better be understood. It will be updated as necessary.

America: A country that Louisiana would like to one day join.

Anti-gambling: A term used by Big Daddy while running for office. It is a euphemism for the expansion of legalized gambling in Louisiana.

Anything-but-special-session: Proper name is Extraordinary Session. The only thing extraordinary would be if they didn’t have them at least twice a year. It is a mechanism whereby Big Daddy can insure that the lege field hands do exactly what he wants done and nothing else. The field hands are allowed to call their own sessions, but none have ever dared to do so.

Automagically
: How since 2000 the leges get annual pay and expenses increases without even having to vote on the raises.

Autopen: A device in Big Daddy’s office to sign official documents. A handy scapegoat for taking the blame for any signatures that caused Big Daddy problems.

Bidness: The term used by Big Daddy to refer to those entities that are leaving the state along with their jobs. The entities that Big Daddy is unwilling to travel to meet with to encourage them to come to LA.

Big Daddy: Governor Murphy J. “Mike” Foster, former (1996-2004) governor of the State of Louisiana.

Black Mold Administration: Name for the period 1996-2004 when Big Daddy lorded over our state. Now that he is no longer the emperor, like the Black Mold, all types of bad decisions by him are becoming visable and coming back to haunt the taxpayers of LA.

Bovine Scatology: 1) bovine: noun: any of a subfamily (Bovinae) of bovids including oxen, bison, buffalo, and their close relatives; 2) scatology: noun: the biologically oriented study of excrement (as for taxonomic purposes or for the determination of diet) © 2000 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated

Conservative Democrat: An oxymoron

Constitution of Louisiana
: A mere speed bump on the highway of the law making process or standing in the way of a politician getting what he wants. The only edicts of lesser significance are statutes or the State (heh, heh, heh) Ethics Law.

Cynicism
: The power of accurate observation as commonly called by those who have not got it.

Dedicated Funds
: Tax dollars dedicated to be spent for any purpose other than which it is dedicated. (Contributed by Louis)

Dysfunction
: When attempting to pass legislation that promotes Louisiana bidness, dysfunction is almost always accomplished by the state legislature.

Ethics: The concept of right and wrong. A concept so unknown to politicians in Louisiana That the Leges had to pass a statute to remind themselves of it. The State (heh, heh, heh) Ethics Law is enforced against mullets that have no political influence by the State (heh,heh,heh) Ethics Board.

EWE: Edwin Washington Edwards. LA’s only four-time governor. Currently serving a 10-year sentence in the Federal prison in Oakdale, LA in connection with the issuance of gambling licenses in LA.

F Troop
: Big Daddy’s minions. See origin of term here.

Federal Funds: According to Big Daddy, it is money that is sent to LA from unknown individuals that reside in Washington, D.C. and shouldn’t be considered as extracted from the taxpayers of LA. See also comment from former U.S. Senator Russell Long: “Don’t tax you, don’t tax me, tax the man behind the tree.” Syn: Money from the man behind the tree.

Fee: A tax that is enacted in Regular Legislative Sessions that are held in even-numbered years when tax increases are prohibited. See also, revenue ehancement.

Feedback: “You can ride my horse, but if he dies, I want my Feedback.” We in Louisiana are getting our “feedback” from the politicians on a daily basis. The problem with this lies in that “The feed has already been through the horse”!

Field Hands: Persons elected to the LA lege, but who rather than represent their constituents, take their orders from Big Daddy and F Troop.

Fruitcake: A term Big Daddy uses to describe those who dared to question the wisdom of the Personal Income Tax increase contained in the so-called “Stelly Plan.” Interpreted by some as “gay-bashing” by Big Daddy.

Gambling Enablers: Members of the LA State Police who work in the Gaming Division. See also Gambling Promotion and Protection Board.

Gambling Promotion and Protection Board: Theoretically, a board to regulate legalized gambling in LA as a protection to the public. In practice a board composed of handpicked lackeys of Big Daddy whose sole job is to issue as many licenses for the expansion of gambling per Big Daddy orders. Regulation of legalized gambling consists entirely of making sure that no leges or other public officials are cheated.

Gaming: A term used by politicians who support legalized gambling and Organized Gambling, but are afraid to be known as publicly supportive of them. It is similar to calling a homicide a sudden unexpected termination of life.

Great White Father
: A title bestowed on Governor Murphy J. “Mike” Foster by the grateful Indian tribes of LA with whom he has never found a gambling compact which he was unwilling to sign.

Intaxication: It is the temporary euphoria one feels when they hear they will receive a tax decrease only to realize that it was their money to begin with.

Internet Kook
: A term used by Big Daddy to describe anyone with an Internet website that dares to challenge anything he says or says anything with which he disagrees. NOTE: Recently Big Daddy confirmed that “THE Internet Kook” is the publisher of this website. The recognition is appreciated.

Irrelevant
: Of enormous significance and gravity. Often used by leges to describe disturbing facts about Louisiana.

Lege: In all states other than Louisiana an equal branch of government with the Executive and Judicial branches to form a system of “checks and balances.”

Leges: Erstwhile representatives of the people as members of the LA Legislature; now merely Big Daddy sycophants.

Legislackers: Leges who get paid even when they don’t work during lege sessions.

Louisiana State Police Gaming Division
: Hiring hall for Organized Gambling. See also Gambling Enablers.

Live Mike: Big Daddy’s former weekly statewide radio show. Only fawning sycophants were allowed past the screener. All questions were simply answered by Big Daddy saying: “I dunno, but I’d like to know the answer myself. My staff will look it up and post the answer on the website.”

Media: One that get paid to disseminate information about what others do. Opposite: Internet Kook, one who disseminates information about what others do, but doesn’t get paid for doing so.

Mullet: Ordinary citizens who under a representative form of democracy are represented by leges. Opposite: “Redfish”: the elite, politicians or anyone who is “better” than the lowly mullet.

Nutcake
: A term Big Daddy uses to describe anyone who says that he is not “anti-gambling.”

Organized Gambling: Syn. Organized Crime. People who run and control legalized gambling as well as the executive, lege and judicial branches of LA government.

Politician
: noun: a person primarily interested in political office for selfish or other narrow usually shortsighted reasons © 2000 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated

Revenue streams: An euphemism used by politicians to describe the outflow of money from the pockets of the mullets in an attempt to quench the insatiable thirst of the beast of state government.

Secret ballot
: An illegal means by which leges vote when they want to sneak something by the mullets. This is especially effective when the media is present. After voting in this manner leges are usually heard laughing (at the mullets) and repeating “up yours.”

Slimeball
: A term Big Daddy uses to describe anyone who disagrees with him about anything.

Speckled Trout
: The name by which the late former Senate President, John Hainkel, R-New Orleans, called himself when chastising the Mullet Scribe.

State General Fund
: The abyss into which all monies extracted annually from LA mullets is poured never to be seen again.

Statesman: A term used by leges to describe themselves when they turn their backs on the people who elected them to do the bidding of Big Daddy.

Statewide Elected Sharecroppers: The myriad of LA public officials elected, on a statewide basis, to public office. Big Daddy affords them the same rights as sharecroppers on his plantation as long as they don’t get uppity.

Statute: A mere guideline for politicians. It is a mandatory law for Mullets.

STUPID: Acronym that stands for Society of Totally Uninformed People In Denial. Used primarily to describe members of the lege.

Temporary Tax: A tax imposed by the leges since at least 1986. Referred to as “temporary” to fool the mullets.

Tooth Fairy: A term used by Big Daddy to describe anyone, but especially leges, who believe that the state of LA should live within its means and not pass more taxes to expand a bloated government bureaucracy. In the middle ages, the term was synonymous with Republican.

Watchcat: A complimentary term. The so-called paid “watchdogs” in LA remain asleep under the porch while the statehouse is being pillaged by the politicians. Watchcats who are much more aggressive.

Zipper
: A problem for both EWE and Big Daddy. Neither can keep them zipped.